Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Failure

So... normally I am really good at keeping my word and doing what I set out to do, once I make the effort to set out, of course. It's that initial effort I usually lack. Anyway, I have been excellent with my fasts. I haven't touched facebook in a week, and I don't even miss it. I like focusing on the everyday life of my family, without everyone else I know's lives on top of that (no offense). We are also doing really well with the gluten-free diet. We decided not to fast sugar completely, I need honey in my coffee, but to limit it and only use natural sugars (you know, besides the box of chocolate covered almonds I ate the other day, but it was for a good cause! And gluten-free!). When we do our re-introduction-to-gluten test we will not consume any sugar, as to not interfere with the possible symptoms.

Everything else has basically failed. It seems like I am better at giving up stuff, than actually doing stuff. Well, I've kept up with my laundry as usual, as if I even needed to say that. And some of my cleaning. Just not the floors, STILL. I actually plan on doing that today, though. I managed to get the kitchen clean yesterday, so hopefully that momentum will carry on to today. This morning when I looked out the window it was snowing, so that means it's a great day for staying in. =) I heard it was supposed to turn to rain, which would be wonderful. I've been craving rain lately. I don't normally like the rain, unless it's in Australia, so that's kind of odd. But maybe I am just so sick of the snow that other forms of precipitation would be most welcome. It would wash the snow away, and bring that wonderful Spring smell! Judith and I have been counting down the sleeps until it is officially Spring! You know the winter has been rough when even Judith, my snow-lover, can't wait for it to be over!

I haven't done the Shred or the Purge since I last posted. I think I might just start over with those. At day 4 or whatever I was at. I've got lots of time I guess, Lent is more than 30 days anyway. I'd rather start over than give up completely!

On a semi-related note, I have been reading The Continuum Concept, which has been really eye-opening. I find I often read books at just the right time in my life, and I really do feel like God had this one for me right now. I know my problem with cleaning, and everything in general that I struggle with, stems from emotional issues. Like really, how hard would it be to just clean up? Ok, I have 3 kids age 5 and under, so it's pretty hard to keep up, but still. I seem to have all of these hurdles in my head. The book is helping me a lot to understand some of these hurdles. It's actually kind of a tough read emotionally. It's hard to start to see why our culture is the way it is, and it breaks my heart for everyone. I see the same issues in my kids, which I have always known deep down were "wrong", but were told that they were normal. It's hard not to feel guilty, I feel like I should, but really I don't. And I'm not interested in blaming anyone either. I'm just satisfied in having some information that backs up what I have felt instinctively all along. And THAT gives me hope. I know if my instincts are still intact, and merely just buried under all of the social intellectual garbage I have been fed, that they can be resurrected in me and our society. I feel like I have a lot of de-cluttering to do in my heart and my head, as well as my house. I also recently read Hold on to Your Kids, The Highly Sensitive Child, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, The Mood Cure, and Unconditional Parenting. All of these had the same effect. I feel like God is giving me these tools so I can piece together the roots of the issues I struggle with, so I can heal and move on. I read all of these books in the hope that I could help others, especially my kids. But in reality, it has helped me with myself the most. I highly recommend these books to everyone, they have been a really helpful part of my personal journey. At the same time, I think part of my problem is that with this new information has come a season of grieving for me. But I know that is important and necessary. Once those emotions are purged, I will be able to move on with more clarity and intention than before. Just as my life will hopefully be a lot smoother and more organized once I have purged the clutter from my house.

I really didn't intend to write that last paragraph, but it just kind of came to me, and I'm glad I got it out! I love writing, it helps me so much. I need to start writing more (you know, besides all of the huge comments I always leave on Facebook and in forums!). I will keep everyone posted with my progress, I intend to start Shredding and Purging today!

Also - Don't forget to check out my new blog http://cyclopschicken.blogspot.com I can't get it to import to Facebook until I am back on Facebook at the end of April, so you will have to actually GO THERE to check out what hilarity the kids are up to. I also made the kids new tickers for that site and I love them!

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