I See a Light at the End of This Tunnel!

Only one more day of this no Facebook crap!

I have learned a few things:

1. I suck at housework.

2. That's ok, I don't really care in the end.

3. People can love and accept me despite my flaws.

4. It's not the end of the world if I don't know what's going on with everyone.

5. It's nice to take a few moments now and then to spend with my thoughts instead of always going to the computer.

6. BUT the house gets trashed the same whether I'm on the computer or not.

7. I hate snow.

8. Ok, fine, I do miss Facebook a lot and feel totally out of the loop.

9. I WANT TO SEE ALL THE NEW BABIES!!!

10. Next year I should give up something else.

I didn't stick with my exercising or purging, although I did make headway. To be honest, there were many days where I felt so horrible that just making it to bed time was a huge victory. There were also many good days. I think it was more important to be kind to myself than to force myself to keep up with my goals. The house will get done eventually, as long as I don't give up completely. And I have been watching Dr Who a lot lately, which makes me want to take up running. I think I might actually enjoy that. The gluten-free diet has been a huge success though, as I mentioned before. It was easy to keep up with that once we saw the results.

There are other, more deep and thoughtful things that have been going on with me since I've been disconnected, but that can probably wait. I still have some things to sort out first, I think. I feel like some big changes need to come very soon. There have been plenty of good discussions going on about these things which is exciting.

Here is a pic from today.



A little Ruthie foot print. It gives me hope for warmer days ahead. It was only 5 degrees (41F) out, but since we are stuck in the winter-that-never-ends it seemed warm, especially since the sun was finally out, so Ruthie insisted on playing outside and running through the puddles barefoot.

Confession

I miss Facebook.

There, I said it.

The first couple weeks were great, but now I just feel disconnected. I should have made sure to get people's contact info before I left Facebook, I can't believe how much I rely on it for communication. And there are so many times, like today, where I am bored and exhausted and just want to waste time reading everyone's musings and ignoring my own crap. *sigh*

Is Lent over on Good Friday or Easter Sunday? I can't remember. This is only my second year doing Lent. Maybe next year I will pick something else to give up...

Tomorrow was supposed to be the last day of my 30 Day Shred & Purge. I have done the Shred 3 times, plus I worked out with a friend once. Boo. I also didn't purge according to my plan after the first few days. Although I did get a lot done. I still have a lot to go. It seems to go in spurts. Some days I do nothing, and other days I do a ton. I guess I can just be happy for what I have accomplished, and continue on. I love making plans for stuff, but just suck at following through. It's like my subconscious always wants to rebel against what I decide consciously...

Gluten-free (GF) has been a huge success! Dave has decided to be GF permanently, as it has helped him a lot. He no longer craves sugar like he used to, and actually has energy when he is home. Gluten doesn't seem to affect me as much, but I did eat healthier overall while eating GF, so I am going to stick with it for the most part. At least I know I can have a bagel now and then and it won't bother me. =) GF hasn't been as hard as we anticipated either. I make most of our food from scratch anyway, and it's mostly packaged and processed foods that contain gluten. We also found a local place to buy authentic corn tortillas, and a new gluten-free marketplace just opened up right by our house! We haven't checked it out yet, but it's exciting and great timing.

Well, that's my update, I guess. I miss everyone. =(

Failure

So... normally I am really good at keeping my word and doing what I set out to do, once I make the effort to set out, of course. It's that initial effort I usually lack. Anyway, I have been excellent with my fasts. I haven't touched facebook in a week, and I don't even miss it. I like focusing on the everyday life of my family, without everyone else I know's lives on top of that (no offense). We are also doing really well with the gluten-free diet. We decided not to fast sugar completely, I need honey in my coffee, but to limit it and only use natural sugars (you know, besides the box of chocolate covered almonds I ate the other day, but it was for a good cause! And gluten-free!). When we do our re-introduction-to-gluten test we will not consume any sugar, as to not interfere with the possible symptoms.

Everything else has basically failed. It seems like I am better at giving up stuff, than actually doing stuff. Well, I've kept up with my laundry as usual, as if I even needed to say that. And some of my cleaning. Just not the floors, STILL. I actually plan on doing that today, though. I managed to get the kitchen clean yesterday, so hopefully that momentum will carry on to today. This morning when I looked out the window it was snowing, so that means it's a great day for staying in. =) I heard it was supposed to turn to rain, which would be wonderful. I've been craving rain lately. I don't normally like the rain, unless it's in Australia, so that's kind of odd. But maybe I am just so sick of the snow that other forms of precipitation would be most welcome. It would wash the snow away, and bring that wonderful Spring smell! Judith and I have been counting down the sleeps until it is officially Spring! You know the winter has been rough when even Judith, my snow-lover, can't wait for it to be over!

I haven't done the Shred or the Purge since I last posted. I think I might just start over with those. At day 4 or whatever I was at. I've got lots of time I guess, Lent is more than 30 days anyway. I'd rather start over than give up completely!

On a semi-related note, I have been reading The Continuum Concept, which has been really eye-opening. I find I often read books at just the right time in my life, and I really do feel like God had this one for me right now. I know my problem with cleaning, and everything in general that I struggle with, stems from emotional issues. Like really, how hard would it be to just clean up? Ok, I have 3 kids age 5 and under, so it's pretty hard to keep up, but still. I seem to have all of these hurdles in my head. The book is helping me a lot to understand some of these hurdles. It's actually kind of a tough read emotionally. It's hard to start to see why our culture is the way it is, and it breaks my heart for everyone. I see the same issues in my kids, which I have always known deep down were "wrong", but were told that they were normal. It's hard not to feel guilty, I feel like I should, but really I don't. And I'm not interested in blaming anyone either. I'm just satisfied in having some information that backs up what I have felt instinctively all along. And THAT gives me hope. I know if my instincts are still intact, and merely just buried under all of the social intellectual garbage I have been fed, that they can be resurrected in me and our society. I feel like I have a lot of de-cluttering to do in my heart and my head, as well as my house. I also recently read Hold on to Your Kids, The Highly Sensitive Child, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, The Mood Cure, and Unconditional Parenting. All of these had the same effect. I feel like God is giving me these tools so I can piece together the roots of the issues I struggle with, so I can heal and move on. I read all of these books in the hope that I could help others, especially my kids. But in reality, it has helped me with myself the most. I highly recommend these books to everyone, they have been a really helpful part of my personal journey. At the same time, I think part of my problem is that with this new information has come a season of grieving for me. But I know that is important and necessary. Once those emotions are purged, I will be able to move on with more clarity and intention than before. Just as my life will hopefully be a lot smoother and more organized once I have purged the clutter from my house.

I really didn't intend to write that last paragraph, but it just kind of came to me, and I'm glad I got it out! I love writing, it helps me so much. I need to start writing more (you know, besides all of the huge comments I always leave on Facebook and in forums!). I will keep everyone posted with my progress, I intend to start Shredding and Purging today!

Also - Don't forget to check out my new blog http://cyclopschicken.blogspot.com I can't get it to import to Facebook until I am back on Facebook at the end of April, so you will have to actually GO THERE to check out what hilarity the kids are up to. I also made the kids new tickers for that site and I love them!

March Madness: A Quest for Sanity

Hahaha, I just came up with that off the top of my head.

Basically, I have realized as of late that I need to at least attempt to regain control over my life. Things have been a little rough lately. I think most of it just has to do with this merciless winter (and lack of summer last year!). I do take vitamin D, and it helps a lot, but it's not the same as getting some sweet sunshine. I don't feel depressed exactly, but my mental and emotional health still is not well. I think my problem is simply being perpetually overwhelmed and discouraged. My kids also had the chicken pox last month, first Judith, and then Ruthie and Gideon 2 weeks later. It was hard for sure, but we made it through fine. The only casualty was the house. And my sleep, but I'm used to that. Now the children are all better and back to normal, but I could definitely use a week or so of straight sleep (never going to happen). The house is also at the point where I don't even know where to start, and when I do work on something, suddenly I am overcome with anxiety and can barely get anything done. I have been having stomach cramps, and headaches (which I haven't had in YEARS!), and even tightness in my chest. It's not like the house hasn't ever been this bad before, but I just don't seem to have the energy to conquer it now that the kids are better. My body and brain are too burnt out or something.

Normally, I am the type of person who totally procrastinates, and then goes mad doing everything at once. I am a big fan of pulling all-nighters to clean the house, and then totally leaving it for a week or so before I repeat the process. I really thrive on finishing things, and I have a hard time starting something that I can't see myself finishing in one sitting. Which is probably why I don't really do any crafting anymore, it's pretty much impossible to do anything without being disturbed, and if I do walk away for a minute, the whole thing gets destroyed. And I do best with once-a-week chores, not daily stuff. De-cluttering is really hard for me, even though the end result is always great. I just hate the process, and am not good at parting with things. Purging also causes Judith a lot of anxiety, and Gideon and Ruthie just like to do whatever I'm doing (which basically means making a mess of what I am trying to do), so it's not something I can easily do during the day. The only time I have without kids is a couple hours at night, which is usually spent either with Dave, folding laundry, doing dishes, and/or going online. My family isn't here to take the kids for me every so often, so I have to work with what I've got.

Anyway, enough about that. I HAVE A PLAN! I tend to come up with plans now and then, do it for a while, then abandon it. So, this is a 30 day plan. I don't expect that the house will be spotless and in perfect order, and I don't expect to be the happiest, healthiest person in the world by the end of it. But I do expect things to be better. This is a big step for me. I am starting to accept that things don't have to be all or nothing, perfect or complete failure. But if things are at least a bit better than now, it will be better than nothing. That's probably a no-brainer for most of you out there, but it's pretty revolutionary for me!

I know you are dying to hear it, so here's the plan:

1. Keep up with my usual basic laundry and chore schedule. I have always kind of hated schedules, but if I don't have them, I do nothing. I have to keep my schedules to a minimum though, if I put too many things on it, I get overwhelmed and boycott the whole thing (or stay up all night to do it). So, every week day, I have ONE chore I always do, and ONE type of laundry I always wash. If I can keep up with that, it will at least get the basics done so it doesn't get too overwhelming, while not consuming ALL my time trying to get EVERYTHING done. Most of all, it will allow me not to worry about all of the things that need to be done (which honestly, takes up more energy than actually doing it, while overwhelming me to the point where I can't do it), just focus on the couple things to do that day and let go of the rest.

2. Purge 5 things every day for the 30 days (starting tomorrow). A friend of mine did this last year, and it's a great idea. If I get on a roll some day, of course I won't stop at 5 things. But I must do at least 5 things, which should be easy enough. If I have a crappy/busy day, before I go to bed I can always at least run downstairs and grab 5 toys that never get played with, or go through the closet and grab 5 pieces of clothing I never wear, and toss them in the Donate box (or things that are ruined toss in the trash, I am terrible for not throwing damaged things out, even when I know I will never get around to fixing/mending it). If I run out of things to purge and my house is in perfect order before the 30 days are up, then great! If there is still a lot more to go once the 30 days are up, it's still a success because I DID get at least 150 things out!

3. Restart (and maybe actually complete?) the 30 Day Shred (starting tomorrow). It was really great when I did it back in December, even though I only did for 15 days. I know I will have more energy if I exercise every day, and NOT just little things like walking and taking the stairs. I run up and down the stairs at home endlessly as it is, often with a child or two in my arms. But what makes a big difference is when I actually push myself and get my heart rate up. I haven't had the time or opportunity to go to the gym lately, but I can still exercise at home.

4. Since last year was so great, I am giving up Facebook for lent this year (starting Wednesday). The whole family is, actually! I am totally addicted, and turn to Facebook to amuse me when I don't want to deal with life. But I really need to deal with a lot of things right now, so Facebook has to go. It was a tough decision to make, because SO many fabulous mamas have babies due over the next 2 months! But I will have to wait until Easter to see pictures and read birth stories. I need to put my own family and house first for now. But I WILL be stalking all the mamas as soon as I am back on Facebook! First thing for sure. And I will be praying for all of them while I'm away. If anyone needs to contact me my email address and phone number are listed on my Facebook page. Or you can always come to my blog and comment! I am not giving up the entire internet as I did last year, I am going to blog as a way of staying accountable with my purge and exercising.

5. And finally, Dave and I are going to do a 2 week gluten-free (GF) and sugar-free diet (starting Friday). Then we will add gluten back in for a weekend (but not sugar), and see if we have any health (mental and/or physical) issues. I have a feeling that gluten might be zapping my energy and slowing me down. There's no harm in trying and seeing if there is a difference! I know for a fact that sugar messes with us physically and emotionally, so we are fasting that as well, to eliminate that factor.

So that's it! That's my plan. I know there are different timelines for the different parts, but whatever. I am expecting this to help me finally gain a bit of control over my life and my house, and feel better.

For the next 30 days I will be posting the things I purged and when I exercised. It will probably be extremely boring, but it's not like I have actually been blogging lately! Might as well use the space for something productive. These blog posts also are imported to Facebook, so there will still seem to be activity there. Once that is over, maybe I will be refreshed and inspired to write REAL, THOUGHT-PROVOKING blog posts! Can you imagine?!

It has also been suggested to me that I start a separate blog for all of the fun and silly things that the kids say and do. It's a pretty good idea, that way I can still import them to Facebook, but then I will have a nice collection to look back on. I will try to get on that at some point soon.

Lent

Ok, so I really really need to catch up on everything that happened over lent before it is gone from my brain forever. Ideas and memories don't always have that long of a lifespan in my head these days...

Now, bullets:

* The first week was really frustrating. I literally spent all day, from when I got up until when I went to bed, doing housework. And the house was only marginally cleaner. It really didn't seem worth all of the extra effort. This was compounded by the fact that Dave was on the computer all day, every day, while I worked my butt off.
* I surprisingly didn't miss the internet OR junk food though. My brain still thought in "status" and "blog" mode for the first week or so, but that eventually went away, as I learned to live in real life again. But I discovered that my "need" for sugar and junk food was related to my time spent online. As much as I love being online, and I need my friends there, it also stresses me out. I get stressed because the kids won't leave me alone while I'm trying to focus on writing something, and also because when I spend too much time away from the computer, I get "behind". But I found I wasn't as stressed when I wasn't online, so I didn't really need my other drug (sugar) to cope.
* I really missed juice though. I'm totally a juice junkie and don't like water. But I managed to survive by drinking ice water (for some reason it goes down better than room temp, even though my teeth are sensitive), and eating fresh fruit.
* After the first week, I decided to change my attitude about the computer, and I felt a lot better. I realized that I can only control myself, and what I do. I can't control what Dave decides to do, and there's no point in getting all bent out of shape about it. It was liberating for me.
* I experienced my first ever postpartum hair-fallout. After the first 2 kids were born, I had dreads, so I didn't have to deal with all of the hair. All I can say is: yuck.
* I also quit shampooing my hair. Now I just wash my scalp with baking soda, and rinse with diluted apple cider vinegar. I still use a little leave-in conditioner on the ends, but I use less and less each time. My hair is surprisingly fabulous! I can leave it down without needing mousse for the first time ever!
* Gideon's surgery, Dave's Dr appointments and Judith's dentist appointments took a lot out of me, but overall everything went well. I've hung in there.
* Dave and I have been watching movies/tv shows at night after the kids go to bed (like all of seasons 5 & 6 of The Office, and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and other movies that I can't think of right now...). It has been nice. I'm not looking forward to when he has to go back to work (early June), I've enjoyed actually being able to spend time with him.
* My mom came for a week-long visit. It went by really quickly as usual, but we did lots of fun stuff. Dave and I even got to go on a date! The kids got a little bit of a break with the sugar fast, having chocolate milk a couple times, and ice cream once. We got to see how even that little bit of sugar affected their behaviour, which was good reinforcement for us to keep it up with them.
* Judith is starting to "accidentally" show off what she has learned in her dance class. It's an unparented class, so I never get to see what she has learned. But I can see it in the way she carries herself, and the little things she does sometimes. They learn a lot of actual dance stuff in the class, I can't wait to see the recital in June!
* Ruthie hit her 3-month growth spurt. Eating all the time and fussing more than usual. I'm glad that's over.
* Gideon has become SO talkative! He says new words everyday, and can repeat anything anyone says. He talks in sentences, and they are becoming more and more understandable. He is seriously so adorable, I can't get over it.
* Computer died March 10 and went in for repairs. Mac customer service = awesome. Definitely buy the Apple Care if you buy a Mac!
* DVD player also died, we got a new media player that connects the tv to our computer, so we can watch tv on the tv that is coming from the computer. No need for cable, and no commercials! And we can rip our dvd's to the external hard drive, and then watch them on tv. It's great, we don't have to mess with actual DVD's anymore!
* The engine light came on in the van. Thankfully, one of Dave's friends is a mechanic, and he took a look at it for free. We just had to replace the air filter and clean out the air intake. Hopefully that was it! The light is off now, but still turns on during long drives (Dave has had to drive 3 hours each way to his Dr's appts, really annoying but that's WCB!). I'm glad we didn't have to take it in, it would have cost so much when it wasn't necessary.
* Did some serious introspection and thinking about where we are at as a family and what we want to do. God really confirmed my doula journey (more on that later), and Dave wants to get his A+ certification for computers, since he can't be a roofer forever. So I signed up for the DONA certification/course, and Dave has been studying up so he can challenge the exam soon. We would both like to have our own businesses some day, and then maybe we can travel again while being able to support ourselves. There is a lot of other spiritual stuff we have discussed too, but that might be for another blog...
* By week 3, I was starting to really miss my friends online. And I was craving sugar (mostly juice and good quality dark chocolate) again. Although I could easily never eat candy or pop again. It sounds so disgusting now. Even bread was starting to taste overwhelmingly sweet.
* I started going to the gym again, and surprisingly had no problem doing 20 mins on the eliptical, and started right where I left off with weights. I guess having 3 kids will do that. I was surprised that I was actually in shape, I guess it's just hiding under all the baby fat.
* I didn't lose any weight over the break, despite going to the gym, not eating junk, and breastfeeding. Well, I lost 4 pounds during Ruthie's growth spurt, but then gained it all back right away. I guess I just can't set any weight loss goals until I'm done breastfeeding, it's always like that for me. Although I do need to go and get some clothes that actually fit... instead of letting my butt hang out of everything while convincing myself I will lose the fat soon.
* I had to move Judith up to size 5 clothes, Ruthie wasn't the only one with a growth spurt over the break! Judith is quite tall for her age, I think. She definitely doesn't get that from me!
* Gideon changed a lot too, although mostly in looks. He's now definitely a toddler, my little boy, with very few traces of baby left in his face.
* I really enjoyed doing a lot of reading. It was great because it was therapeutic for me, and I could still be present with the kids, unlike the computer. It's a hobby that I am definitely going to keep up! I have to figure out what to cut from my computer time in order t o make room for more reading...
* Even without the computer though, I found my mind wandering all the time. It was honestly hard to focus 100% on the kids and just play. I had to fight really hard for it. That saddens me a lot, but is something I want to work on.
* Judith got to perform infront of people for the first time! They are practicing their routine for the recital already, and they came out after class one day and performed it for the teenagers' class. I guess they will be doing that a lot, to get used to it. Judith was SO cute! The other 2 girls in the class (there are just 4 kids), were way too shy and just stood there. The little boy liked the spotlight, but often forgot to actually dance. But Judith, she danced her heart out and soaked up the attention! Half the time she did her own thing instead of what the teacher was doing, but it was SO cute! She does not lack confidence!
* I have been doing Pilates with Ruthie (the PeeWee Pilates book is good!), and Judith likes to do it alongside me, with Lambie. It's so adorable, I keep forgetting to get a photo.
* Ruthie learned to suck her fingers to self-soothe (just like Judith did as a baby), and that has made my life SO much easier! She's a lot quieter, and nurses a bit less (I still have a ton of milk though). She seems to need something in her other hand though, in order to put her fingers in her mouth, and seems drawn to blankies more than stuffies, so I got her a blanket. I hope she gets attached to it, Judith having her Lambie and Gideon having his Blankie has been a huge help in comforting them.
* The last 2 weeks were HARD. I really missed everyone! But I'm glad I stuck it out.
* My friend Jen came to visit! She is one of my best friends, and it was so good and refreshing to connect with her!
* I got to hang out with some of my local friends during lent too, which was really nice. I probably talked too much because I was lacking the interaction, I hope they didn't mind. =) I'm so thankful that I do have friends here now, they are seriously awesome.
* Ruthie laughed for the first time March 28! She laughed for Dave in the morning, and for me in the evening, it was so cute!
* Had to upsize Ruthie to her intermediate sized diapers, and thus also move her into her size 6 months clothing. She's growing up too quickly! She was 16 pounds 4 oz at her 4 month appointment.
* We took the kids to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate Gideon's birthday, and he loved it! Judith loved it more though, haha.

Overall, it was a really good experience. But I'm not going to do it again any time soon, haha! I just need to figure out how to spend less time online, while still being able to connect with my friends and get my thoughts out through writing. I didn't get to rest at all, as I had hoped, I think rest and relaxation are just things that's aren't going to happen while the kids are young. But that's ok, they're worth it. I'm glad that I have this time with the kids while they are little! The less I sleep, the more time I get to spend with my little loves (as long as I get enough sleep to actually function, but now that I have coffee, that amount is less, haha). I was actually way busier than usual, always on my feet, it seemed. I was either doing housework, tending to the kids, running errands, or reading. It was nice to only have to worry about my own little existence for a while, and not about what's going on with everyone else, or the world. I realized that I do totally run on empty all the time, but there isn't much I can do about it. So I carry on. I have learned the meaning of "God's mercies are new every morning." He truly does get me through every day. I'm so thankful that I'm not depressed this time around. I can actually keep up with life, and do simple things like get out of bed, and face the day with a smile. =)

Lent

I've never participated in lent before, but that is about to change.

I've been thinking about stepping away from the internet for a while. I was thinking maybe just a week. I've done it before, for a week at a time, or even a month once. It wasn't too bad. It's always nice to get my head out of the computer and back into real life. Emilie mentioned on her blog that she is giving up the internet for lent, and it hit me, THAT is what I need to do too. It will be my longest internet-fast ever. I'm not saying that I won't become an internet-addict again after lent, but I think having this super-extended time away will be good for me and my family.

As sad as it sounds, this is going to be so incredibly hard! I spend several hours a day online, Usually in small increments; while I'm nursing Ruthie, while I'm having lunch, if I notice I have a new email (I just leave my email up all day, so even though I'm not physically on the computer all day, I'm logged in, and get anything new right away), after I put the kids to bed, etc. But it's literally on my mind ALL DAY.

I feel like I have too many "commitments" online. It seems silly, but when I'm online, it isn't really the "down time" I need anymore. I am forever trying to keep up with facebook and all the blogs I read. I'm only part of one forum these days, but even that is a lot. Then there's all the great articles I come across via facebook, blogs, and the forum that take a while to read. I do love and cherish all of the friends I have online, and everything I am constantly learning, but it's getting overwhelming. I'm actually getting stressed because I keep "falling behind" on everything. But does it really matter? Am I really at a loss if I don't know EVERYTHING everyone I know posts, all the time? I don't even know how I accumulated so many friends online. It's flattering, but can I really have a meaningful relationship with that many people? In the last year I've finally developed a few good relationships with friends in real life, so maybe it would be better to focus my energy there for now. It's just hard when all of my "best" friends and family live so far away.

So anyway, I'm not going to give up the internet forever. I do need the connections, the access to information, and the outlet for myself. Blogging has been such a wonderful thing for me. I express myself the best in writing, when I get a chance to actually think about what I'm saying. But I think this long break WILL be good for me. It's going to be HARD. I will probably have to start keeping a paper journal. I just have to write to get my thoughts straightened out so I can deal with life. But it will be weird knowing that no one will be reading it. I wonder if that will be good or bad? Maybe I will be able to go much deeper than I'm used to without fear of any judgment and it will be enlightening. It will also be difficult to keep all of the awesome and funny things that happen, or that the kids do, to myself. I think I also turn to facebook for validation. I love to post the fabulous things the kids say, and my pictures, so I can share my life with the world and get positive feedback and encouragement. I don't think it's totally a bad thing, and I love to keep up with others and encourage them, but I need to learn to validate myself first. Then let everyone else just be gravy. Or icing. Gravy is so gross, blah. Mmmm... icing. As bad as it is, I am so in love with the Betty Crocker rainbow chip icing in the tub. I could seriously polish off a whole tub by myself in one sitting. Or at least I could in college. Now I have to share with the kids... But yeah, the internet is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a wonderful and essential part of my life right now. So it will be a true fast. I am expecting a lot from this fast too.

I have a list of things I want to accomplish in my time away:

~Listen to the entire audio Bible.

~Read all of my required books for the DONA doula certification (I'm taking the birth doula course April 30 - May 2).

~Organize all of the clothing in our house and do a big purge.

~Go through all of the overwhelming amount of toys and books and purge those as well.

~Go through the 75 000 or so photos on our computer, organize them and delete the duplicates.

~Try the massive list of recipes I have, that are collecting dust since I never "have time" to try them.

~Start watching my Pilates videos and exercising regularly again (my gym membership resumes March 9).

~Plan my garden for the summer.

~Sew more cloth baby wipes since I am always running out before laundry day.

~Perhaps try sewing something else, take up knitting again, make some jewelry, play the guitar, write a book or just do SOMETHING creative that's higher than a 4 year-old level.

~Work on potty-training Gideon.

I've been pretty good at keeping up with my house chores lately, and I want to keep at that as well. Dave was injured at work last week (the Dr thinks it's a hernia) and has been home ever since, throwing off our routine a bit. I want to focus on what I've established, and make these routines habits.

Gideon is going for surgery Feb. 24. Please keep him, and us, in your thoughts and prayers that day. It's just a day surgery for a hernia (yeah, we are the hernia family, I still have 2 myself from this past pregnancy, but the Dr said we might as well wait until I'm done having babies before we do surgery), but I'm still very nervous, I hope it goes well.

My mom is coming for a week-long visit March 2! So that will keep us busy too. Judith has a dentist appointment that week, and then we will find out what all needs to be done. She has some extensive cavities, and no matter what happens it won't be fun for her.

I also really want to take some time for myself. I know even without the internet I'm going to be SO busy, but I have to try. I just really need to think about so many things and examine my life and my goals right now. With Dave being off work, maybe indefinitely, some changes might be coming and I will need to have my head on straight to help make decisions.

Most of all, however, I want to be more present at home with Dave and the kids. I want to be happy just where I am. I want to take delight in the little things, and not just so I can go post about them online. Hopefully the weather will get nicer, so we can go out and have some fun, and I can enjoy the moment rather than trying to capture it and document it in my head to share with the world later. It may sound silly, but that is going to be HARD for me!

I will be back to the land of the interwebs April 4 (Gideon's birthday!). I do kind of hope everyone misses me, haha, but I'm also learning to accept that it's not the end of the world if you don't. My life exists here, with my family and friends, in my home and the world around me, not in this machine in front of me. I will probably still check my email occasionally, in case I get something about the doula course or from my homeschool group about some of the upcoming outings, and because I get grocery fliers that way. But 90% of my emails these days are from facebook anyway, so once that stops I won't be getting much. I definitely won't check it more than once a day, or even two days. I'll still go on Skype too, because it is more like a "real" interaction (call or text me if you want to Skype). But definitely no facebook or blogs, surfing or even looking things up. If I need some info I will get Dave to do it, and he can pay the bills online too.

If you are a local friend of mine, please feel free to call me, and we can hang out!

So, here I am starting out on this journey. I actually wrote this earlier and post-dated it, today is my first net-free day. I also post-dated one post a week for while I'm gone, just so this blog isn't completely dead. See you on the flip side!